5 stages of evolution of new managers (and parents)

5 stages of evolution of new managers (and parents)

It may be a long time since you were a new manager....or indeed a new parent. But if you look back and think about those early days, you will undoubtedly relate with five common things that happen to most of us. It's almost a cycle that one has to go through before finding one's feet as managers or parents.

Stage 1: The labour process...(pun intended)

In your workplace, you are excellent at your job, people respect your opinions, you get on brilliantly with your colleagues and have the best career experience but you still aren't a manager. Becoming a manager for the first time isn't easy. First you need the skills and experience, then you need technical knowledge, then you need to demonstrate people skills and get on well with seniors, then you need to find the right opportunity and get shortlisted, and finally a bit of luck to get it. But once you get that first managerial breakthrough, there is no looking back from that point. The struggle of the early days just becomes a story, a memory. I can feel you, becoming a parent isn't easy either. First there is the conception process, then the turmoil of early days of pregnancy, the massive physical and psychological changes, the uncertainty of third trimester, and of course the joyous labour time. At each of these stages, there are difficulties, uncertainties, unexpected surprises and often luck plays a big part. But when you have gone through the laborious process, the rest of it just becomes a story, a memory.

Stage 2: Excitement and Uncertainty 

In the second stage, new managers (and parents) go through a similar emotional journey. You have done your homework and know about the basic theories of management (or parenting). You have done research, heard and learned from real stories, studied the basics but no matter what, you don't have the real life experience of dealing with it. As a result there is excitement about the new role, the novelty of experiencing things for the first time, and the joy that comes with being in control and calling the shots! But this is also often accompanied by a period on being unsure, self-doubt, not knowing whether something will work or not, hesitancy about making mistakes and a fear of failure. This is extremely natural and in time it goes away but new managers (and parents) have to go through this phase.

Stage 3: Transition and Testing

As I mentioned before, no amount of preparation can really prepare you for the realities of management (or parenting). Once the practical experience begins, the real learning begins. With each new experience, whether that's meeting your team (or baby) for the first time or whether it's taking the first budgetary decision, there is a period of fluttery butterflies in the tummy and when you feel like asking someone else to double check your decision. This transitional phase in which you test the boundaries, create some ground rules (try doing that with a new born!) or guiding principles and eventually learn to put your stamp and take ownership. This is also the time when your management (and parenting) style emerges.

Stage 4: Finding your Style

All of us have seen and come across managers (or parents) that we are inspired by or vow to never be like. We have all seen leaders and role models we'd like to emulate and the hellish ones we'd like to avoid. But until put into practice, you don't really know which type you'd be like. It almost always starts out by you wanting to be the "best" manager or like the best manager you have had. This style then gets refined and redefined as you get deeper into the role and have to make tough decisions (which childcare to choose), implement unpopular strategies (taking your toddler for vaccines/ dentist), give negative news (no more use of bottles/ nappies/ dummies) or have to discipline bad behaviours. This is when your real, natural and more authentic management (parenting) style emerges.

Stage 5: Situational Adjustments

Once you are established and have identified your style, gone through a few situations, resolved a few problems and have done it well, you get comfortable in your role. The confidence builds, the skills strengthens and your ability to deal with tricky situations improves. You start to build on your experiences and rely on tried and tested formulas to work out problems. At about that point, you will come across a situation unlike any other and realise that you will how to plough through it on your own. Previous experience, advice from others, or indeed textual theories don't and won't come to your aid. That's when you go through the final stage of learning to make situational adjustments. Once you can successfully do that, you have truly evolved as a manager (and parent).

So in this article, I have explained what I believe are the five stages of the evolution of a new manager or a new parent. Once you have gone through these stages, you no longer can be called a newbie. Equally you will find that others no longer question your abilities and competencies as you will have proven yourself. There is no set time frame or set predefined order within which this happens and often the industry, role, team size, external context and pressures and opportunities that arise determines the speed with which an individual goes through it.